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In the church I grew up in, dance was frowned upon. It was seen as seduction and a gateway to premarital sex.
When the Christian rock movement made it to our church, I recall being encouraged by youth group leaders to make sure my hips didn’t sway too much to the music. That while there was a beat, I should be careful to monitor my movements for the men’s sake in the room.
The dangers that modesty culture cultivates in men can be read about here and here, but today I want to discuss what this patriarchal thinking does to women’s connection to God.
They said the movements of my body were distracting, whether I wanted them to be or not.
No matter if my dancing is in response to worshiping God, if a man saw a woman worshiping fully, full of passion, exuding eros, it was only natural; he would think inappropriate thoughts. (I wrote about the problems with this thinking here)
The only solution was for me to temper my passion.
Feminine eroticism has been regulated to the bedroom, in the service of masculine desire when feminine passion shift toward something outside of these confines; she is labeled a temptress.
We see it in the way religious organizations tell young girls, well before they have fully formed sexually, that their body is tempting to the men around them. They cannot wear what lights them up, dance with full joy, or live with the full enthusiasm of their soul because it tempts men.
These girls are not aiming to seduce anyone. However, their passions and joy divinely gifted terrify the masculine. So we regulate it.
We tell our daughters not to dance. Don’t dance when Spirit moves you. Don’t dance when the song playing gives you joy. Keep your passion, tempered.
A meme that fluttered around Christian feminist social media recently asked women to comment, “when was the first time you remember your body being sexualized.”
While the stories ranged into the horrific, the most telling stories for me were the ones that showed parents fearing their daughter’s femininity.
Five-year-old girls playing in the back yard sprinkler being told not to dance to Spice Girls while their uncle was visiting.
A six-year-old’s mother said she couldn’t try on her mother’s heels because it will make men think things.
And just as painful, a boy’s parents said he is disgusting because he was wearing his sister’s clip-on earrings. Because if femininity is a means to demean our daughters, then it terrible for our sons to respect, admire, or want to participate in it.
The erotic is a source within all of us that connects us to our soul. When we connect fully to this divine self, we no longer need institutional rules or systems telling us the “right” way to think.
The erotic tunes us into the divine, turns up our intuition, and expands our understanding of God.
When we are told not to dance, not to dress in ways that light us up, and to control our passion, they are telling us to disconnect from God. The God in us and around us.
Please, dear, sister! Do not shut down your erotic self.
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Do you want to know more about erotic spirituality? The Erotic Convent is launching soon! Click here for the info!
I’m not sure what you mean by the divine self?
The imago Dei. We are the images of God, there is divinity in that.
This is beautiful and powerful. I grew up in a similar type church and have written extensively about my own experiences. I’d love for you to check out my writing. Thanks for all you do. scotloyd.blog
Thank you for this. I have often felt quite sensual when fully worshipping and felt guilty that the two should not be together. I thought that my worship was heading in the “wrong” direction. I am glad to know that I am not the only female who experiences this and longs to be free in her worship.
I’m so glad it resonated! Stay tuned there will be a lot more about how to be free in your worship 🙂
When reading the subject of the feminine and purity within the walls of church culture, I struggle between rage at the injustice and relief that purity culture is being exposed for the damage it has done. Thank you.
9 Comments
I completely agree, but wonder how do you handle a situation where you are concerned that the innocent play of a child dancing to the spice girls might cause some uncle to act out in sick ways? You have no evidence that this might occur, but there’s a feeling in your gut. How do you protect your children while not making them feel shame?
Thank you for your question it is important! I think the attention needs to go to the uncle and not the children. Why is this man suspected of being dangerous? Does he need help? I often worry not just for the children but also the “uncle” whose needs are ignored as a result of putting the responsibility of his sexuality on the kids. Really loving him means getting him the help he needs, and perhaps not letting him around the kids when they are going to be swimming. He can’t control himself that is something he needs help working through.